It took a while...

It takes me a while to learn. Probably longer than most. Then again, I am a quick learner when it comes to sports and dance and learning lines. But I am talking more in terms of life. I will make the same mistake a couple of times until it gets to me. I feel like I am constantly searching for something to show me what path to take because I feel like the world is offering so many different things to me at the moment. I want to be a great actress, but what does that mean? I want to be a sick dancer, but how do I show it? Dancing around in class only does so much. And then I really think about it and I understand. I am 21 years old. I graduated from a college environment earlier than I would have if I went to a four year university. I grew up quite quickly. At my choice and my discretion but still, it doesn't mean that I know exactly what I am doing. The opposite. I am constantly changing my mind, learning new things, evolving, wanting more, wanting something else. I guess that never goes away, well I hope it doesn't because that is what drives me. That need to constantly create new obstacles and lessons for myself in order to grow and create a life. I guess I sometimes wish I could be successful right this second and grow and evolve as an independent strong successful woman. Coming from the middle east where that is not extremely common, that is why it is so important to me. I want to be that woman that our culture steers you away from RIGHT NOW. I almost can hardly wait to just be her. But why do I not know how to? I work hard, and am always busy with things, yet I am not at that place.
What is so funny. is that independent and successful are two words I always misspell.

Neither Heaven Nor Earth!! Opens tonight 8pm at the New School theatre on 151 bank street!!! Don't miss it! www.poliglottheater.org for tix. Ask me for discount codes

Doing things out of character isn't bad. Doing things that are within the limitations of you character is. Don't limit yourself. Take chances, make mistakes, risks. Just fucking go for it, fall on your face, break some bones. I promise it will be ok. Its good for you.

How important is sleep? I have hardly slept in the last few days and I am tired yes but I kind of like this feeling and am thinking of not sleeping much tonight. But I look like shit and am acting like a bit of a creeper.
Wow. Funny. Writing this made me realize how utterly exhausted I am. My body and mind actually just told me to stop fucking moving and chill out.
Today was great though. Performed for 1st grade kiddies in the morning and am now in rehearsal till midnight.. I really love being this busy.
Best thing about today though was this.

A kid came up to me after the performance and said
"When I grow up, I want to be a Chemisist, a Paleontologist, a Movie Star, a Rock Star and a Warrior. KEEP PEACE! (With some hand sign)".

They inspire me. Think about how when you were a kid and you used to have all these dreams and aspirations for your future like nothing can stop you. I love that. So much.

Do you ever put yourself in a situation where you feel so comfortable you have to say something that makes you absolutely vulnerable? And then once you say it, you get this weird out of breath kind of feeling- its extremely subtle though. I don't really know for sure what it is but..I think. That moment. That's when you realize, that you don't quite know yourself.